It was Sunday evening when West Ham Till I Die overlord Iain Dale circulated his latest (mostly political) column and it had the title of ‘Lions Led By Donkeys’.
He was referring to the Conservative Party’s election campaign but had he been talking about football, it would probably have had the headline of ‘Three Lions Led By A Donkey’.
England’s second-half display against Serbia in their opening Euro 2024 game on Sunday was a shambles.
After man-of-the-match Jude Bellingham gave the pre-tournament favourites an early lead, you’d have expected them to build on that advantage, score a couple of extra goals and secure a comfortable, confidence-boosting win.
Except boss Gareth Southgate worked his half-time ‘magic’ and his team deteriorated so much that the Serbs – ranked 33 in the world – felt aggrieved not to have grabbed a share of the spoils.
To say that England made hard work of their 1-0 victory is like stating that the second album by the Darkness is not very good – in other words, a complete understatement.
That record, One Way Ticket To Hell…And Back, was complete pants and you could use the same phrase to describe England’s performance in the second 45 minutes against Serbia.
The Serbs paid Southgate’s side far too much respect early on and only showed more ambition when they realised that the opposition was not exactly what they were cracked up to be.
Needless to say, plenty on WHTID were not impressed as the second period progressed.
“We’re getting out-foxed here,” said ‘The Original Tom’ while ‘Tom Baker’ complained that “our midfield is non-existent”.
‘Hammersfan’ amusingly asked, “Did Moyes give the half-time team talk?” And ‘MoanerMe’ blasted, “This is not a tournament-winning side, what is Southgate playing at?”
Even ‘Made In Dagenham’, a man who defended former West Ham boss David Moyes to the extent that he’d probably walk over hot coals for him, declared, “It’s a shame the England manager’s ability doesn’t match the players at his disposal. What an absolute snooze-fest.”
Those comments were far closer to the truth than anything you’ll read on the cheerleading BBC, where diplomacy appears to be the priority for chief football writer Phil McNulty.
“Southgate will be delighted with the three points but there was still plenty of food for thought for the England boss before Thursday’s second game against Denmark,” was about as critical as he got. Whatever happened to objective journalism?
Some pundits suggested England were saving themselves for the later stages of the competition while others stupidly referred to the team’s slow start before winning the World Cup in 1966.
What a load of utter guff. Status Quo have got more chance of recording a new No.1 album than England have of winning a trophy under Southgate, who simply isn’t astute enough and actually claimed it was “really good” to see us “suffer a bit”.
At least it was rewarding to see West Ham’s Jarrod Bowen create a great chance for (poor captain choice) Harry Kane after coming on as a 76th-minute substitute.
