How do we measure the pain we felt in 2023? Well, there’s the heat index, which hit unheard-of extremes last year. Then there’s the cheat index, which measures the willingness of some powerful Texans to lie, steal, sneak beans into chili, or otherwise try to put one over on their fellow Texans. The highest cheat index ever recorded occurred on September 16, 2023, when, despite overwhelming evidence supporting corruption accusations against Attorney General Ken Paxton, he was acquitted by a jury dominated by spineless state senators in a trial presided over by our shameless lieutenant governor,Dan Patrick. “Millions of taxpayer dollars have been wasted on this impeachment,” Patrick said minutes after the verdict was announced, still seated on the Senate dais where he presided. That wasn’t the only outrageous event of the year, of course. Texas A&M University gave $75 million to Jimbo Fisher, just to go away. There was Elon Musk doing the Bastrop/Boca Chica/border three-step. There’s more, so grab a Topo, settle back, and let’s review the past year’s Bum Steers.
Bum Steer of the Year
Lieutenant Governor Dan Patrick
Dan Patrick has made himself the state’s most commanding politician. But with great power has come great irresponsibility. Read more.
Runners-Up
Elon Musk
When Elon Musk moved here, Texans rejoiced that he would create lots of jobs. He also created chaos. Read more.
Texas A&M
The Aggies’ unofficial mascot, Ol’ Sarge, has a few things he may or may not like to say about his school’s many recent travails. Read more.
Ken Paxton
A “found” (as in, we made it up) letter from Texas attorney general Ken Paxton to his wife, state senator Angela Paxton, provides a firsthand account of his impeachment skirmish along with stirring reflections on the nature of freedom and vengeance, and the Republican Civil War. Read More.
